You (not) So Pretty

A favorite pastime of mine is to going to get my nails done with “Egan”.  We always go to the same place and it helps that they haven’t kicked us out yet like us there.  The wonderment of what is “Egan” and I, is that if we were to be mistaken as life partners there would be no doubt who would be the Rosie and who would be the Kelly.  Let’s just say that she’s 5’11” with long pretty blonde hair and still polished after a day of work and I … well I walked in wearing my TOMS (saffron corduroy in case you were wondering), rolled/ ripped boyfriend denim, and a red flannel shirt – pretty much the epitome of a feminine lumberjack.  The only thing missing was a roll of paper towels.

“Egan” and I love to use this time to catch up – we have a lot to talk about.  The nail salon hasn’t caught on yet though because they always sit us so far apart – which requires us to basically yell what’s going on in our lives across the room.  A lot of innocent bystanders have been harmed by this – but don’t worry, no animals have, only in the testing of the nail lacquer.  We also have similar singing talents that awe the other patrons and it definitely helps that the muzaq playing is exactly within our range.  We usually know the chorus, and part of the verses, and sometimes the notes.  Tonight we performed a stunning rendition of “Hopelessly Devoted” from Grease and “Top of the World” by the Carpenters.

Ok, none of our antics are a part of this story at all – so I don’t know why you let me go on such a long tangent.  Stop me next time please.

When I get my nails done I’m pretty much only focused on the prettyment of my nails – nothing else.  The nail technician though takes a much deeper look.  Here’s how our interaction goes:

Nail Lady: Do you want the pedicure as well, we can do at the same time?

Me: No

NL: You sure?

Me: Yes, I just had a pedicure on Saturday. I lost a nail again, it was necessary.

A little while longer, after “Egan” and I have finished singing “tie a yellow ribbon”

NL: You want full manicure?

Me: Nope, just the nail tips, thanks!

NL: You’re cuticles are really bad, you sure?

Me: Nope, thanks for pointing out my ugly cuticles

“Egan” and I deeply discuss the Lindsanity situation and once again it returns

NL: You sure you don’t want cuticles fixed?

Me: Yeah, still sure, thanks

NL: *whispers under her breath* you have hairy fingers …

Me: WHAT!?!?!? *gasp*

FOR THE RECORD I DO NOT!

It begins again

NL: You need eyebrow wax

Me: Yes, thank you for reminding me that my eyebrow looks like Celine Dion in the 90’s before she married her grandpa.

And now the grand finale …. *drum roll* … She gets done with my nails and they are drying and she is giving me a shoulder rub.

NL: You have grey hair on top of your head

Before i could even response she plucks a hair from my head and gives it to me.

I’m glad that my nails look pretty now because the rest of me has taken quite the self esteem blow.   I’m going to say that collectively it was worse than the day that “Tephen” informed me that I need botox …

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