Crack is Wack, So is Candy Corn

I was in Wal*mart this week getting some new Silly Bandz (you know they have ringz now too) and perusing the most recent Twilight posters (Go Team Jacob!).

STOP!!! <this is not a spoiler alert, however if you are not both an Arrested Development and a Twilight fan (i believe there are only 3 of us) you won’t quite get the next part>

I realized as I was looking at the Jacob posters and dolls that he and his jorts wearing clan are actually a bunch of werewolf nevernudes.  I heard a rumor that Tobias Funke is making a cameo in Breaking Dawn, most likely painted blue.  Also I believe that Stephanie Meyer is also working on a werewolf nevernude novella (much like the novella she wrote about the vampire no one actually remembers but all claim they do) in which the proceeds will go to their cause.  I hear there is a group of 6 of them in Germany.

KEEP READING!!! <if you are just a normal person who did not get obsessed with both Arrested Development and Twilight please read the next part and stop trying to understand the above part when you read it anyway, regardless of my disclaimer>

Ok, so I’m still in Wal*mart and notice that they have already decorated for Halloween including putting out seven tons of candy.  For the record I do NOT like nestle crunch bars – they’re gross.  What I do like however is candy corn – or at least I did.  I threw a few (3) bags in my cart and went on my way.  I took the candy corn to work the next day and put it in my fish bowl that is normally reserved for Swedish fish or Peanut M&MS (only the best two treats in the ENTIRE WHOLE WORLD – along with Tim Tams).  Within two days “Raig” and I managed to eat 80% of the candy corn.  I spent two days dropping into a candy corn-sugar-corn syrup-artificial flavoring-induced coma and thoroughly feeling disgusting.  At least it only took me two days to get consuming way too much Halloween candy out of my system this year, it’s just a shame that it happened so early. And I think my fish bowl should continue to be reserved for the two plus one best treats in the entire whole world moving forward.


2 thoughts on “Crack is Wack, So is Candy Corn

  1. You are so hillarious, I miss you so much, have you ever thought of becoming a stand up comedian? You would be great!! By the way I am one of the three Arrested Development( I love that show)/Twilight fans!!
    Have a great Book club without me tonight:( Tell everone I miss them and wish I was there.

  2. we missed you a ton at book club. and i so so so love that you are one of the few AD/ Twi-hards. Especially since it means you understood what i was talking about in aforementioned blog.

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